Michael Veet


10 Things I look at every day

1. Chardicialeck


2. Faspothuda


3. Hurutismard


4. Kopokouthy


5. Modigallanie


6. Negbolking


7. Poxtsraque


8. Runtringswen


9. Supremletomal


10. Vuternatisie


Michael Veet aka Witcyst is an artistic wonk of the highest order from Whangarei, New Zealand. He pushed away the port bottle and now roams the suburbs for cheap Freddos. Boiled NZ


Ian Murphy


Ten Spiels For Common Edible Plants

1. Sage
Don’t burn a hippy wand Simon...Fry, fry, fry fresh leaves til crisp with wild mushrooms & flaked/ground almonds (use a heavy pan Jemima) Serve with pappardelle. After, gargle the fine sage honey of the Croats.

2. Rosemary
Fill your rusty bath with big branches Garfunkel and realise that you are sitting in rosemary tea - make it sweet now or you’re drinking toilet cleaner!

3. Parsley
Oh, where to begin Paul? Stop making your salads with any sort of savoury ‘leaves' you dumbass! Flat leaf! Robust? Yessir …Curly? Fine dice like dust and into your mash(ed) carrots. Now, taste the grass of your (un)holy homelands..

4. Thyme
tomato, olive, potato..
Art said “You’ve conjured a different herb into that damn song!”
Time: fresh as a flower, I replied.
Deep zero is now.

5.Fenugreek
For domestic bliss. Is your sag aloo, bland and lacking bite? You have only used spinach. Try the methi leaves. If it flowers, proceed with stinging nettles and other edible weeds til the curtains are closed.

6. Mustard
See above & Gundruk :food of the gods. The leaves,the leaves and the whole rotten kingdom of Nepal cannot be wrong. Hard fry in mustard oil.Huff the fumes and mind your ticker on the way home.

7. Basil
Topiarists among you may love this one but I’m out of it. I don’t want to taste your homemade pesto either.

8. Oregano
Stalk the lush Balkans lands and you’ll trample on this. Whip a pocketful in the chickpeas but don’t choke; Capito!

9. Mint
Stalk the foul land of Angles and Saxons and you’ll trample on this.What do we do with it? Potatoes? Butter? No,Gammon, no!

10. Coriander
Some taste soap; I’m prescribing pranayama, besan pancakes & turmeric pickle every day til you are cured. That is all and nearly everyday for lunch.


 Ian Murphy is a recording autist (on hiatus). He lives in Slovenia (just about) and talks to the eagles,on a mountain high.