Alan Bishop

Top 10 subjects of discussion with my Egyptian friends on Friday afternoons from the basketball court in front of the Orangutan cage at the Giza Zoo

1. The resurrection of the flat earth theory
I’ve always been a proponent of the hollow earth theory which merges at times with Flat Earth arguments. Over the past few years there has been a resurrection of “Flat Earthers” not only via the usual suspects but also kicked into high gear by NBA stars like Shaq, Kyrie Irving and Draymond Green, all seizing the topic like a hot potato. NASA, by openly admitting that all of their “official” photos of the earth from space are computer generated and therefore stating there are zero actual photos from space, opens the door wider for speculation - among many other problematic arguments for a globe – for example, all the Giza Zoo animals agree that the sun is so hot, there’s no fucking way its 93 million miles away! On Fridays, I feel their pain. The earth has only been “round” post Copernicus for the past 500 years but it was flatter than a pancake for the previous 1500 since Jesus was just alright. And that’s a shithole 25% field goal percentage which would catapult an NBA players career beyond the D league and over the Antarctic wall that surrounds the flat earth anyway. So if you have the ability to shed some of your scientifically engineered herd mentality for a second or two, it can all make sense in a bizarre “what goes round doesn’t necessarily go around” kind of way.

2. No kids died at Sandy Hook
This event really brought the “crisis actor” phenomenon into the spotlight. Not sure what really happened – none of us were there - but the same exact photo of one kid who supposedly died at Sandy Hook (Noah Pozner) was also shown as a kid who died in a school massacre in Peshawar Pakistan. He could have been cloned and died twice. I’ve never met a clone I really liked, but I wish there were two or more Dennis Rodmans out there scouring the land.

3. Hunter S. Thompson directed snuff films
The evidence on this one is far less compelling than other stories out there but if he did, I’m sure he was killing carefully chosen snowflake pussies who called him a narcissist. Thompson was a great sports writer and never got much credit for it. There are rumors that his “suicide” was a cover explanation for someone else’s snuff film starring him as the victim. If I get any of this footage, I’ll share it on one of my anti-social networks.

4. Jimi Hendrix never died
He became Morgan Freeman – When the driver for Miss Daisy came to Cairo to do some bullshit TV work for the globalists last year, I met him at the Sultan Hassan mosque and after some small talk I asked him if he became a Merman in 1983 and after a long pause and a gaze into the distance, he gave me what I thought was a confirming wink and a grin. Then he said I had it slightly wrong and that he had become a Muslim in 1984. A few minutes later I noticed he was writing something in a notebook using his right hand, although the penmanship looked forced to me, not natural at all. I think Morgan Freeman signs all of his official documents with his left hand. This doesn’t mean that he’s Jimi, but too many other projects get in the way for any of us here to get that extra time to burn the midnight lamp and find out.

5. Michelle Obama is a transsexual named “Michael”br /> An idea that was floating around for years but blew up to epic proportions after Joan Rivers said this to a reporter and then died mysteriously shortly thereafter. But I always despised Joan Rivers and could never forgive Johnny Carson for allowing her to guest-host the tonight show so often. If there’s a Michelle/Oprah Presidential ticket for 2020, we may finally get to confirm, aided by the savage appetite of our news media to uncover “facts”, what shade of the color purple lurks underneath it all.

6. Elton John and Eminem are secretly in love
I once spotted Sir Eltonia having a quiet, romantic dinner with a young Egyptian circa 2011 at the Greek Club in Cairo and his affection for younger artists is something he’s never shied away from promoting. The Detroit Shadido is 8 miles high on being straight and sober these days which would seemingly fit the lifestyle of an older, pesky suitor on a three year farewell tour, one would think.

7. Bitcoin was created by Artificial Intelligence
Satoshi Nakamoto is the supposed creator of bitcoin and being “Made in Japan” can be an exciting thing. You can ask my Sansui Hi-Fi stereo equipment (as it plays Blackmore’s solo on a certain live recording of Highway Star) to set you straight on that. But Quinn the Eskimo got here and has unleashed some fascinating arguments as to why AI could have used Nakamoto as a pseudonym. And while we’re here, since AI never respected the “practice” of honest currency, I got 40 bars of crypto-bullion to sell you stored deep inside Larry Brown’s playbook.

8. The Mandalay Bay Vegas Massacre was yet another false flag
Helicopter gunships spraying bullets over the concert grounds, phantom crisis actors and non-secure elevators, re-staged photo shoots of Kurt Cobain’s corpse, a Mexican cat named Jesus and Ellen Degenerate copulating in a 3-way with MGM, multiple shooters with yet another lone gunman narrative, Saudi ownership of Mandalay Bay, MBS reportedly in town that night right before his October Surprise in Riyadh, shootings in other major casinos not covered in the “official” press, and so much more that possibly happened in Vegas yet didn’t stay there AT ALL. What happened to the Rat Pack, Liberace and those explosive nights where you could catch a Lee Hazlewood performance on the strip? Now THAT was REAL carnage. And to be more inclusive, for all the millennials who naively use the term “back in the day” because they’ve never been old enough to experience it, I’d even settle for another ear biting boxing match or the gangs of illegal Guatemalans passing out prostitute business cards in front of Caesar’s Palace to what “fear and loathing” has become lately.

9. No Man on the Moon
Andy Kaufman never went to the moon and neither did Neil Armstrong. Everyone knows Stanley Kubrick directed the event in California for NASA. In fact, James Brolin and OJ Simpson helped show you how they pulled it off in the film “Capricorn One”. If 1969’s Apollo One was a truly successful mission to the moon, there would be a 4 Seasons, Ritz Carlton, Hilton, Intercontinental, Marriot, and Trump Tower waiting there by now “to serve man” after Kanamit Air Lines landed at Buzz Aldrin Inter-Galactic Airport. Jim Carrey could have gone to the moon…but he says he doesn’t exist (but he knew that Hollywood was mocking all of you who still believe in a “round” earth as they simultaneously made you feel important - as in YOU may be Truman - when in all possible realities you are the ones who don’t exist).

10. Eric Carmen steals a Beach Boys Chorus for a big hit
The Raspberries had a huge hit single in 1972 with “Go All The Way” and the chorus was lifted directly from 1965’s ”She Knows Me Too Well” by the Beach Boys. Eric probably had no idea he ripped off the Beach Boys and I’m not sure anyone else has realized it either. So is it true? A conspiracy or a theory is either true or false. But the only way to get to the truth is by digging underneath the piano in Brian Wilson’s sandbox if you can make it back to 1967 in one piece, as long as you don’t bring Geraldo Rivera with you

Brother Bishop is a founding member of crock 'n' boil combo Sun City Girls and has probably saved your life on numerous occasions without you even knowing it. He currently resides in Cairo where he peddles spud guns to locals and tourists alike. It is unknown at this time if his handlers have an actual handle on him.

Eva Revox

TOP! TOP! TOP! (on repeat x 10)

(not) thinking about

the many lives I left behind
the many loves I left behind
and the things I’ll leave behind

performative / deformative years
carved in my DNA

kudos to chocolate monks
who humanized me
when I was a piss tank
eat the rich, they said

fuck cultural references
and solemn knowledge
high art, low life
same old shit

who’s dealing da doxa, anyways ?
authoritarian libertarians ?
dusty beatniks ?
brut noise weirdos ?
witchy quaintrelles ?
brain damaged hedonists ?
leave it behind, mate
this game is over

1 + 1 = 3

a necessary alienation
critical thinking
and unthinking
every issue has its solution
dial theory used to be valid

fuck dialectic
fuck diatonic scale
fuck things up

dice man has perished things are the way they are because there’s no choice (anymore)

To be rather than To have
obsession for possession
obsession for consumption

too many cunts in this world
cunts in disguise
behind masks of honesty and loyalty

(on repeat x 10)

staring at people staring at things a sudden dichotomy a clear-headed schizophrenia

throwing things at things
growing as a plant
knowledge out of nothingness

Monsieur Revox can be found scowling on the corner of several Paris streets (all at once). A one time hustler of the anti music-good times-junk scruvy, he released only a few mysterious cassettes in minscule editions. He now operates under the pen name of Buff Becourt and blesses some popular publications with his insight on art, music and such.